6 Months Old

Somehow I have a 6 month old...I blinked and half a year flew by me.  It is so bitter sweet.  I am sad because the days of my teeny tiny guy did not last long enough, and as I pack away old clothes far too small for him I feel a piece of my heart ache.  But with each passing day I get to witness this amazing little guy just grow and blossom into who he is....and it is beautiful.  I am an awe of him every time I turn around, and every milestone he reaches makes me so proud and I can just look at him and beam!  At his 6 month appointment he weighed in at 18 lbs and 3.7 oz and 27.5 inches.  He has definitely mastered rolling over from his back to tummy, and then knows how to scoot around to get to things he wants to grab.  Sometimes I am like "How in the world did you end up there??"  He has begun to figure out how to move his legs to crawl...once he figures out his arms there will be no stopping him.  Mama is in trouble, and definitely need to get to baby proofing this house!!!  He has been having a lot of fun exploring new foods, and so far peaches have been the only thing he was not a fan of.  He has started practicing using a sippy cup (we are officially skipping the whole bottle phase since he refused to take one, and now there is no point ha!), meal times with him next to me in his high chair are so cute (messy but cute), and now that he is able to ride in a shopping cart trips to the store are sooo much easier for mommy! I just love him to pieces, now if we could just tackle sleeping better we will be in business ;)  My husband has been gone a lot for work/training.  The days can get lonely, but luckily little man keeps me on my toes and my parents are only an hour away for when those lonely days can drag on.  I know the next few months are going to be busy, with an even heavier training schedule for my husband, fall is quickly approaching, and before I know it will be busy with all the holidays to come.  I just hope it doesn't go too fast and I can savor these last months before my baby is a big whopping 1 year old!

 

 

 

 

What am I doing wrong?

Well it has been one of those days. I find myself wondering what I am doing wrong, how do I make this better, and even a bleak moment of maybe I am a crummy mom.

First off let me start by saying I do love being a mom...I love my son more then anything in this world. He gives my life purpose and an all new meaning.  I wouldn't trade this for anything.  But I am having a hard time with the big old sleep battle.

Now I know that is part of being a new parent but sometimes I feel like I have been treading water for almost 6 months and am drowning.  I am blessed beyond words with a charismatic,  adorable, loving, baby full of personality.  But sleep is not his strong suit. We still wake constantly through the night (some nights it's literally every hour..on occasional good night's we do go 3/4 hour stretches at times)  And he still refuses to sleep alone... realistically I know he will be 1 before I know it, and I will miss the days of snuggling.  But he will not nap alone,  he is restless in his sleep, and wakes a ton. So I think sleep deprivation is kicking in. And on top of that I haven't had much of any break. I have only left him a handful of times, so I haven't really had any me time to regroup so that I am able to be the best mommy I can. Every body needs a break once in awhile. I just feel like it's non stop and that's been tough. It would be nice to sleep past 6 on occasion after being up several times at night, or to be able to get a little workout in even just at home, or to do something for myself without also trying to juggle my son. Gosh a hot bath and a nice book would be so amazing to unwind. And lord knows I would die for a massage. I don't want or need these things regularly but I do feel like I need it from time to time. Which comes back to the sleep struggle. If he would take just one nap a day alone, I could take that time to do something. Like I said I know this time will pass, and I know this is part of becoming mommy and learning as he grows. I just need it to get a little easier..just need a teeny tiny bit of me time to reset and function so that I can give him 110% without feeling overwhelmed.  In the meantime I just have to breath, enjoy those moments of snuggles, and give the rest to God.

Stitch Fix #2

I must say I love getting these little gems in the mail. Something about not knowing what I am getting, and all the anticipation,  just makes me happy like a kid in a candy store. And this mama needs a little excitement like that in the mix of constant babbling to Caleb, diaper/outfit changes, nursing, and the ever constant sleep struggle. Ha! So I was of course very happy to see the FedEx man arrive (I seriously love FedEx...they seem to deliver all my favorites: Stitch Fix, AdvoCare, and Artsy Couture..whom I got a package from today too but I will save that for another post).

On to my fix...what I got, what I thought:

1. Tulle's Caia Floral Sheath Dress - Upon first seeing it I thought the pattern was ok. Not something I would normally pick but liked it. When I put it on I knew it wasn't for me.  I didn't think it did much for flattering my figure. It kind of just hung like a loose box over my chest. Overall just didn't care for it in me, so sending it back.

2. Tart's Rochelle Abstract Print Soft Short- I really liked the color and ikat print of these. But that is all.  I was weary to see shorts in a soft fabric, and sure enough when I put them on they just reminded me of pajama bottoms.  Sending back. 

3. Fun2Fun's Loretta Crochet Detail Cap Sleeve Blouse - This I loved looking at right away. Simple, classic, and the crochet detail was adorable. I put it on and immediately thought I must have this one. But then I realized it felt a bit snug in the sleeve/shoulder area. It fit perfectly but if I reached forward or stretch my arms up it was really tight, to the point I would be afraid to rip a stitch.  And since I am a mama with a very active babe, I thought this just isn't practical because I would be so sad if I kept it and tore it. Sooo bummed to be sending this one back, maybe need in a bigger size!

4. Hourglass Lilly's Karrie Mixed George Print Maxi Skirt - I had asked to maybe have a maxi skirt in this fix so I was very happy to see this. I love maxi skirts and dresses and just how easy and flowy they are, but I don't own many. This I loved right away and was a definite yes. I really liked how soft it was, perfect length, and the pattern/color is great. I am excited to pair it with my denim jacket or possibly a turquoise top. Keeping!
5. Pixley's Talula Tassel Lariat Necklace in Silver  - This is so cute and I always love the look of tassel necklaces paired with outfits.  I liked the color and thickness of it and thought it was super cute on. My only dilemma is I haven't been wearing necklaces very often since I had my son, for fear of him grabbing and possibly breaking them. But I realize that I will wear necklaces at some point even if it's not every day. And I do really like it, so I am perplexed on this one. To keep or send back the necklace...that is the question...

Moments

Today was one of those days where little man just didn't seem content no matter what I tried.  So by this evening I was feel in g rather frustrated and drained from the day.  I was attempting to get dinner put together and eat (while feeling like I was going to pass out from hunger and a lovely headache), putting dishes away, and trying my darndest to prevent him from having a full on meltdown. Then throw in a few other things that added to what was going on and I just was at my wits end.  As I was getting him changed for bed time tears began pouring out. I stopped, was able to take a breath, and look down at that sweet face beaming back up at me. And just like that all the frustration of the last hour or so disappeared. I got lost in those blue eyes that look at me full of love and admiration, lost in that contagious little smile, and my heart filled with love.  And I think that is truly beautiful, the way no matter what happens, no matter what my day may throw at me, or what knocks me down...that little boy is able to pick me back up with one look.  He is my purpose. ..my driving force to keep going and do better.  He keeps me grounded, and reminds me what matters most.  

Stitchfix = New Obsession

Where oh where has this been all my life...seriously.  Anyone who knows me knows I enjoy shopping,  and I love getting things in the mail.  Combine those two things and you have Stitchfix.  Then let's recount my last shopping experience with my son.   He awoke amidst me looking for some new items,  hungry and crying.  So I ended up walking through the store nursing him, and attempting to select some things.  Then after he finished eating he went on to have a very large and very smelly diaper, so a I skipped trying anything on, grabbed what I could and checked out in a hurry.  Needless to say, I dont really have a desire to venture out clothes shopping much anymore.   So when a friend of mine told me about Stitchfix I couldn't wait to try it out.

What it is, is basically a personal shopper/stylist service and all from the convenience of home! Not to mention, the surprise factor makes it that much more fun!  You fill out a style profile, pay a $20 styling fee, and then a stylist hand selects 5 items to send to you.  You wait very impatiently (ha!) for your goods to show up, then you are able to try on the pieces at home.  This I loved, because I was able to pair it with items in my closet to make sure I really liked it.  The include a nifty little style guides for each item.  You have 3 days to decide what you want to keep, and what you want to send back.  The $20 you paid is then applied to the purchase of your items, and as a bonus if you decide to keep all 5 items you save 25% off the total. Definitely go check it out...Stitchfix.com And if you follow my link and sign-up I will get a lovely $25 credit.  Then you will get your own special referral link to give out...win win win!

 

I think my stylist did a great job picking items for me.  Here's what I got in my 1st fix:

1. Aiden Ankle Length Skinny Jean in white: I had requested white denim in my fix, and was super bummed they were a tad bigger then how I wanted them to fit. So had to send them back.

2. June Polka Dot Skirt: A super cute navy polka-dot pencil skirt. I honestly really liked it, and almost kept it buut I had to rationalize the fact I probably would never really wear it.  I am a stay at home mom, no job, etc. So I sent it back, but dang was it cute!

3. Yanna Floral Print Flutter Sleeve Blouse:  Loved the print, loved the colors, loved the sleeves. But when I turned to the side I was not a huge fan of how it sat on me, and I kind of looked preggo. So I sent it back. 

4. Indianan Abstract Chevron Print Mixed Material Tee: Absolutely loved, and probably my favorite item. It's casual, but unique, super comfy, and definitely colors I like. Kept.

5. Moni Geo Print & Camisole Blouse:  This I was real excited about. I had seen it on Pinterest in other people's fixes and loved the embellishments and detail. I had not seen it in this color though,  but I was pleasantly surprised. I don't own any orange (aside from Bronco clothes), and it's a nice piece to add to my wardrobe! Kept.

I am definitely happy I was introduced to Stitchfix.  As a new mommy it is hard to find time to do things for myself, so this is a nice treat that also is convenient and my son even got a kick out of watching me try my clothes on while he was comfortable playing with a toy. I so recommend this for other mommies or any ladies who just don't have time to shop, or want to add some new pieces to their wardrobe that maybe you wouldn't pick on your own.  I look forward to getting another fix in the future :)

4 Months Old!

Where oh where does the time go? I have had every intention of blogging at least once a month,  but that just clearly has not happened.   Fact is a I just don't have the time to sit down at my computer and write like I used to.  I miss being able to do that but it's just not a priority or realistic most days.  So I am kind of bummed I have failed at the monthly updates this far, but hope  I am able to get better.  It dawned on me that as much as I prefer to blog from my lap top it is much more likely to get done if I do it from my phone. I can simply post as I'm nursing or with a sleeping baby on me...so that is what I shall do!

Where oh where to begin with what has happened from 1 month to 4 months....has it seriously been 3 months! Holy moly. Well I have just been living the full time mommy life.  It has had its ups and downs,  many moments of learning, exhaustion,  some times of frustration but above all it has been amazingly rewarding and the single best thing I have ever done in my life.   I love my sweet boy a little more each day, though I don't know how because he is the best.  The first few months were rough, he was a bit of a colicky baby. Lots of gas and reflux issues, he nursed constantly so that is how I spent majority of my days. At first that was a struggle, but I soon learned to embrace it and to just cherish all that down time sitting with him.  And I am so glad I did because it really is gone in the blink of an eye.  Just the other day I was putting away his old clothes he no longer fits, into a storage bin to make room for new stuff.  I had to stop in disbelief as I held up a preemie size outfit that he once was too little for.  Where did my little 5 lb. 9 oz. baby go...I couldn't even imagine him fitting into something that small.  He has grown by leaps and bounds, and now people think he is much older then he is. He is weighing in at 16 lbs. and is 25 inches long.  I am quickly learning motherhood is filled with bitter sweetness and a slew of other contradictions.   Anyways, after those rough first months he seemed to turn a corner and has truly turned into such a sweet, fun loving baby full of big smiles and love.   I ADORE him! I will say he isn't the best sleeper.  He often wakes when I attempt to lay him down, and only occasionally puts himself to sleep (always when riding in the car, he can become grouchy and fight his naps,  and he doesn't sleep for long stretches at night. But that's OK because as tough as that can be at times, I know this too will pass before I know it. For now I just enjoy those moments of my baby sleeping peacefully on my chest.  I look forward to watching him continue to grow and become his own little person every day, and no matter what is going on in my day or my life I know I can look at t hat sweet little face and know that I am truly blessed!

The 1st Month

As of last Monday, my sweet boy was already a month old!  It is amazing how the nights seem to drag on, but in reality time has flown by.  It is amazing to me just how much he has grown and changed in those 4 short weeks...he already looks so big compared to that tiny thing I held in my arms those first days.  I may be biased, but he is absolutely adorable, and I am completely in love with him!

 

 

Motherhood and having a newborn has proven to have its challenges.  Some of which I expected, others not so much.  I also knew I wanted to breastfeed, and I was nervous about it leading up to.  Things like getting him to latch, I worried about. Getting a good latch was the least of my struggles in the first weeks...ha!  Starting the first week, I got a clogged duct which led to mastitis.  On the day my milk came in, my son was very lethargic from jaundice (which after almost a week of him being poked and tested daily, it finally went away) and decided not to nurse for like 6-7 hours!  So breast feeding on that side became very painful..to the point I was in tears.  Luckily, I got in to my doctor and got antibiotics and after a week or so it was all better.  But my dear son wants to nurse constantly.  He will go 2 hours in between feedings at times, but no longer.  And then the cluster feeding...he usually has 1-2 periods in a day where he cluster feeds and wants to be latched on for hours at a time.

 

Sleep has definitely been sparse.  Since he nurses so often, the longest stretch of time I sleep is 2 hours.  And haven't had much luck with him sleeping at night unless I am holding him, so even when I do sleep it's often with the babe in my arms.  All these things I think are really a result of his acid reflux, though.  The poor thing has it pretty bad, and can tell it hurts him and he struggles with it at times.  So he was put on zantac, however I am not convinced it has made it any better.  He spits up all the time after being put on the medicine, which makes him want to eat more, and then he gets frustrated from it hurting or that he is still hungry, but eating just leads to more spit up.  So we are in this vicious cycle right now, and I can not wait until it passes.  I feel so bad for him and hate seeing him in pain or struggling with it, and it is so tiring for him and myself.  There are times when it gets bad and I find myself just crying because I want to make everything ok, or make him feel better and I just can't seem to.  Which makes me feel like I am failing or coming up short as a mother...and I want nothing more then to give him everything and to be the best mom.  I know logically that his acid reflux is out of my control, and that I'm doing everything within my power to control it, but as a mom you can't help but to feel like that at times.  So I am hoping the sweet thing out grows it soon, or it at least improves.  Thankfully, it hasn't effected his growth though.  He measured 7 lbs. 9 ounces (up 2 lbs from birth) at his 1 month checkup, and 21.5 inches long.

 

 

Aside from adjusting to being mommy, the whole post partum period of self adjustment is another story.  It's funny because while I was pregnant you kind of just think that you will be able to "go back to normal" shortly after birth.  Wrong again, ha.  First off, pregnancy hormones are nothing compared to the emotional roller coaster that comes in the first weeks after baby comes.  Especially that first week.  I would cry multiple times a day for the most random reasons, and it was uncontrollable at times.  Luckily, I feel like I am (slowly but surely) leveling out in that arena.  Then there is the obvious new body issues.  We as women always struggle with this.  But having your body in a constant state of change for the past 9 months, and then learning to accept this new body that emerges once the baby bump is gone.  Your abdomen has stretched and changed and what's left is this odd "looseness"..I of course am chomping at the bits to work out but I currently can't get in enough free time to even consider it.  Or simple things, like I thought I would be able to get back into my wardrobe, but turns out only a portion of my closet is nursing friendly.  Oh the little things you never think of!  I try my best to look put together and to feel pretty, but most days I don't and the times when I do try I feel it goes unnoticed anyways.  Not like my little guy can say "He mom, good job doing your hair and makeup today" ha!  I know this too is just a phase that will pass, but it doesn't make it less of an adjustment learning your way through all these transitions.  Through it all, being a 1st time mommy is so much more then I could have ever imagined or prepared for...but when I look down at my sweet babe it is oh so worth it.  And  it is so true just how fast time goes by...so as exhausting and stressful these days can be I cherish them so much.  I cherish the constant nursing, the sweet snuggles where he only wants to sleep on me, or the quiet moments in the middle of the night where he just looks up and examines me.  Because these days won't last long and I remind myself to take it all in...every single tiring roller coaster moment.  I know I will look back and miss it one day!