Birthday Week

I have had a busy busy week.  My birthday was yesterday (Oct 20th).  After finding out some of my friends were going to be busy this weekend, I decided to go have some drinks with some friends last Saturday.  Little did I know that my dear mom was secretly planning a happy hour on my behalf.  I showed up thinking I was going for another friend's birthday and to my surprise had ballons, flowers, a cake, and confetti in my name!  It was very nice.  I had a great night with some good friends. 

Then began a busy work week.  I had one co-worker out of town and my boss was getting ready to have a baby (which as I side note, her baby was born on my birthday!)  I was working long days doing opening to closing to help out.  The kids fed off our energy and so we were all a bit restless.  So needless to say by this afternoon I was more then ready for the weekend and picked up some wine on my way home from work!

The night before my birthday I went to diiner with some old family friends, and then yesterday (my birthday) my friend Megan and her boyfriend came and took me to dinner downtown at The Keg Steakhouse, if you have never been there well it is very good!  And their creme brulee is to die for!  She showed up and had bought me flowers....my favorite flower!  It was very sweet and a simple gesture that meant the world to me.  I have some great friends in my life and those ladies mean the world to me!

I am glad the week is done though and am ready to try to unwind from the hecticness that has been my life lately.  I am ready to feel calm, to feel relaxed, and at ease.  I am hopeful for my tomorrows, and as for today I will enjoy my glass of wine and call it a night!

Changes

As many of you may notice my blog (along with my life) is going to be going through some changes.  My former blog name "Oh the Life, Of an Army Wife" has been replaced with "Learn. Live. Hope".  My blog url is now www.ohthelifeofangela.blogspot.com I am the same girl, same blogger, just a new name.  My life and marriage has faced many struggles, I have forgiven for many things, and have reached a point where changes must be made.  I have been on a roller coaster ride the last 3 years (faced 2 deployments and a very serious injury sustained by my husband on the second deployment).  I stood by through it all and tried to always be the best wife I could be.  I however did not receive the love and loyalty I wanted, and so now I am going to endeavour on a whole new roller coaster in my life.  So I invite all my readers to share with me in this new chapter and hope that you all can offer me support in this time of change.

Betrayal

One word, cuts very deep.  Cuts to the core of a person and cuts them down, eats away at them.  You know when you dedicate your life and every piece of yourself to someone and they betray you, it is not easily forgotten.  But you try for the might of you, because you love and are a good person.  But they keep doing it.  you keep forgiving and trying to move on thinking it won't happen again.  Then a tragedy strikes, and you drop your world to be the rock for someone else.  Every day of your life you spend being that rock and support system, even though you are slowly breaking down from the weight on your shoulders.  But you push through and try harder, and have hopes tomorrow couldn't possibly be any worse.  And then one day you are ok, and think you finally made it and things will be great.  Then slam you are once again reminded how worthless you are to that person, how easily they betray you and not think twice about it.  the extent of that betrayal.  And then you are forced to look yourself in the mirror, through the hurt and the disgust and try to find strength to make your next step.  Where does one go from here, how to put all the tiny shattered pieces back together.  You gave your all to someone, and they gladly took it all.  I am broken...broken from betrayal.

Alive Day

So today, Sept 26th is the 1 year Alive Day for my husband.  But before I get to that let me back up a bit, since I have meaning to blog and havent.  Last week was bit of a long week for me.  I am not exactly sure why, but each day went slow.  By Friday I was at my witt's end.  We were outside playing before lunch, and out of nowhere I began to cry.  By the time lunch had passed and it was time to do diapers before nap time, I was a blubbering mess.  As I am changing diapers my poor kids would just stare up at me crying while trying to carry on a conversation with them as if nothing is happening.  And at the end of each diaper change I would say "Can Ms.Angela please have a hug, I am just having a rough day"  Thank goodness I have awesome kids at work who give awesome hugs!  The remainder of my day was me border line crying with tears permanently pudding in my eyes.  The second I got home it happened.  The inevitably breakdown.  The one I have been putting off.  All my months, and heck even years of hiding my emotions about different things and shoving them into some deep dark corner of my mind came flooding out, suffocating me.  I got home and literally collapsed on to the floor sobbing.  It was like the force of everything in this world that I have let build and weigh on shoulders was holding me down onto the ground.  I couldn't pull myself out of it for the life of me!  So there I was, on my knees on the floor, head down crying uncontrollably.  The most hidious sob I have ever had, tears, slobber, snot and all (Gross I know!)  And as much as I sat there telling myself to "stop" and "get ahold of yourself" I absolutely couldn't.  then I began tossing random things about (a blanket, a clothes hamper) and shouting ( to no one but myself) about all these random things that have been bothering me, or hurt me, or stressed me out.  This episode lasted near an hour.  After it passed I had a few more tears  and it was done.  As horrific as this all sounds, I think it may have been the best thing for me.  It was such a relief.  I could feel all the anxiety, the hurt, the pain, the anger that I have bottled up pour out.  I could feel it lift off of me.  Today as I drove to work, I was ok.  My life is no different then it was on Friday, but it feels so much more manageable.  I am ok.  I don't feel myself constantly trying to hold back tears.  So I recommend a good solid breakdown for everyone every now and again.  To just release it all.

Anyways, today is my husband's Alive Day.  It is so weird to think that a year ago today, it happened.  A year ago today I got that call.  A year ago today my world would change.  I would be introduced to a whole nother world of the military, and the sacrifice that comes along with it.  My eyes have seen so much...things most people will never see in their life.  Through it all I can say one thing, I am a stronger person from it. In every aspect.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but at the same time in ways I am lucky.  So I just want to remind people to count their blessings, live without regrets, and thank those who sacrifice for you ♥

What an Awesome Dog!

So yesterday as I was walking to my car in a parking lot, I look over at a parked car to see this dog in the window.  I about died laughing, it was one of the most awesome things I have seen on a dog!

Since it is the time of year where all the roads are being re-paved, the owner didn't want a bunch a debri flying up in her eyes while going for a car ride.  He said he just slipped them on and she was good to go!  I absolutely loved it.  And turns out she was a Pedigree dog of the month, what a rock star!  Hope this made your day like it made mine :)

♥ Dog is a man's best friend. ♥

Sunday Thought

I had a rather uneventful weekend (aside from having lunch with my amazing friend Megan and watching my Broncos win today!)  So I did a whole lot of browsing on Etsy and playing around on my computer.  I decided I wanted to make a new background for my laptop.  I added my favorite quote to it, so i just wanted to share it you all.  I think it's a great quote and it is something I always try to live my life by.  ♥

Rascal Flatts Concert

This past Saturday I went to the Rascal Flatts concert here in Denver. I have been wanting to go to see them in concert for probably 6 years or so. So when we bought tickets I was absolutely ecstatic! I went with my mom, my friend, and a friend of my mom's. Justin Moore and Sara Evans were the opening acts. It was an amazing concert. And Rascal Flatts music is even better in person! They are so talented and I adore pretty much every single one of their songs. they have so much heart and meaning, and now I just can't stop listening to all my Rascal Flatts music! I am so glad I went and definitely plan to catch them in concert again!

♥ Deep songs don't come from the surface; they come from the deep down. The poetry and the songs that you are suppose to write, I believe are in your heart. ♥