And the reading continues...

A few days ago I finished reading The Lucky One.  I found myself grabbbing the book and reading it every chance I got, every time I had a few spare minutes.  I would shut the TV off and go to bed early, just to snuggle up with that book.  The entire story line was great, and so beautiful.  I found myself both tearing up and smiling as I read.  Both the bond he had with his fellow soldiers at war, and the relationship that he develops with Elizabeth pulled at my heart strings.  Needless to say I am looking forward to seeing the movie.

Now I am reading Dear John.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I absolutely love the movie, and could watch it over and over again (Dear John and The Notebook rank in the top of my all time favorites!) so I am thrilled to read the book, though I am sure I will be filled with tears the entire time.  Especially since I am choosing to read this book now, August and September feel like a time of loss to me.  A time of heartache.  For the longest time I could not figure this out, but I know why.  Dating back to 2008.  August was the time I had my first date with a soldier, who then turned around to leave me to return to the war in Iraq.  Thus began my understanding of war and the ever present effects it has on all those it touches.  Fast forward to August/September of 2009.  The first time I felt struggles in that relationship that were big enough to push me to separate from him.  A few weeks later, we obviously worked things out and moved on with life.  Then August of 2010, another deployment.  This time he was taken from me to go to the war in Afghanistan.  A few weeks in, the loss of lives.  The first time I personally knew someone killed at war.  Though I know it had happened for years, and my heart always ached when news of soldiers KIA came acrossed the news, the effect it has on you when you personally know the soldier is a whole nother story.  To remember stories with them, or to look back at a photograph and know that person only got a one way ticket, its heart wrenching.  Getting a phone call, and being told someone was killed, and knowing the name that comes out of the phone is something you never forget.  It hardens your heart a little bit.  It changes your perspective on life, though I may not be exactly sure how I know it does. Then the obvious event, Sept 26th, 2010.  Though my life has taken on many events unexpected, and regardless what has happened in my relationship, this date will forever hold a significant spot in my memory and my heart.  No one could ever imagine the gut wrenching feeling to receive a call like that.  To have someone tell you "Your husband stepped on an IED today."  Who ever thinks there will be a day to be told someone so intrigal in your life, was blown up!  I am sorry for putting it so...unpleasantly but its the reality of it. I am forever thankful a life was not lost that day, and every time I think of it my heart breaks because of the pain I felt that day, but also because I think of the even greater pain of every person who has ever had the dreaded men in uniform show up at their door to give them even worse news.  Then, last August/September was when I felt my marriage begin to crumble.  I tried many times to pinpoint when or where all control was lost, but I have learned that is a fool's game.  I have accepted things that have happened in my life, the divorce, and the path I have led.  Though it wasn't the way I imagined things or hoped things would be, I learned to accept it and to take my experiences from the past to hopefully better my future.  My purpose of this is not to dwell in these facts, but rather to shed light on why I have a bitter sweet feeling when this time of year approaches. It's why the crisp breeze of the air in the winding down of summer, and the approach of fall has a such an effect on my skin. Though it is a time of loss to me, with all loss comes some type of renewal. And for that, I am greatful. And I am realizing that a simple blog about reading books that I enjoy has turned into so much more. Maybe this is a result of my lack of blogging :) Just means I need to devote more time to it.