And the reading continues...

A few days ago I finished reading The Lucky One.  I found myself grabbbing the book and reading it every chance I got, every time I had a few spare minutes.  I would shut the TV off and go to bed early, just to snuggle up with that book.  The entire story line was great, and so beautiful.  I found myself both tearing up and smiling as I read.  Both the bond he had with his fellow soldiers at war, and the relationship that he develops with Elizabeth pulled at my heart strings.  Needless to say I am looking forward to seeing the movie.

Now I am reading Dear John.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I absolutely love the movie, and could watch it over and over again (Dear John and The Notebook rank in the top of my all time favorites!) so I am thrilled to read the book, though I am sure I will be filled with tears the entire time.  Especially since I am choosing to read this book now, August and September feel like a time of loss to me.  A time of heartache.  For the longest time I could not figure this out, but I know why.  Dating back to 2008.  August was the time I had my first date with a soldier, who then turned around to leave me to return to the war in Iraq.  Thus began my understanding of war and the ever present effects it has on all those it touches.  Fast forward to August/September of 2009.  The first time I felt struggles in that relationship that were big enough to push me to separate from him.  A few weeks later, we obviously worked things out and moved on with life.  Then August of 2010, another deployment.  This time he was taken from me to go to the war in Afghanistan.  A few weeks in, the loss of lives.  The first time I personally knew someone killed at war.  Though I know it had happened for years, and my heart always ached when news of soldiers KIA came acrossed the news, the effect it has on you when you personally know the soldier is a whole nother story.  To remember stories with them, or to look back at a photograph and know that person only got a one way ticket, its heart wrenching.  Getting a phone call, and being told someone was killed, and knowing the name that comes out of the phone is something you never forget.  It hardens your heart a little bit.  It changes your perspective on life, though I may not be exactly sure how I know it does. Then the obvious event, Sept 26th, 2010.  Though my life has taken on many events unexpected, and regardless what has happened in my relationship, this date will forever hold a significant spot in my memory and my heart.  No one could ever imagine the gut wrenching feeling to receive a call like that.  To have someone tell you "Your husband stepped on an IED today."  Who ever thinks there will be a day to be told someone so intrigal in your life, was blown up!  I am sorry for putting it so...unpleasantly but its the reality of it. I am forever thankful a life was not lost that day, and every time I think of it my heart breaks because of the pain I felt that day, but also because I think of the even greater pain of every person who has ever had the dreaded men in uniform show up at their door to give them even worse news.  Then, last August/September was when I felt my marriage begin to crumble.  I tried many times to pinpoint when or where all control was lost, but I have learned that is a fool's game.  I have accepted things that have happened in my life, the divorce, and the path I have led.  Though it wasn't the way I imagined things or hoped things would be, I learned to accept it and to take my experiences from the past to hopefully better my future.  My purpose of this is not to dwell in these facts, but rather to shed light on why I have a bitter sweet feeling when this time of year approaches. It's why the crisp breeze of the air in the winding down of summer, and the approach of fall has a such an effect on my skin. Though it is a time of loss to me, with all loss comes some type of renewal. And for that, I am greatful. And I am realizing that a simple blog about reading books that I enjoy has turned into so much more. Maybe this is a result of my lack of blogging :) Just means I need to devote more time to it.

The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks

So I recently finished reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks.  It is a follow-up to The Notebook.  The narrator of the story is married to Noah and Allie's daughter, Jane.  It is about Wilson and Jane's marriage hitting a rough spot after 30 years of marriage and his journey to make her fall back in love with him.  I absolutely loved it and adored every minute of reading it!  I definitely recommend it.  Though there are so many great quotes in this book (like all Nicholas Sparks books), here is one excerpt that I just love.  It is from a letter that Wilson wrote to Jane...

"My darling,

  It's late at night, and as I sit at my desk, the house is silent except for the ticking of the grandfather clock.  You're asleep upstairs, and though I long for the warmth of your body against my own, something compels me to write this letter, even though I'm not exactly sure where to begin....

  ....Some things, after all, have never changed.  In the mornings, for instance, my first thoughts after waking are -- and always have been -- of you.  Often, I'll simply lie on my side and watch you, I see your hair spread across the pillow, one arm above your head, the gentle rise and fall of your chest..... Throughout our marriage, you've been my dream, and I'll never forget how lucky I've felt ever since the first day we walked together in the rain....

  ....Even at work, I frequently find myself glancing at the clock and wondering what you are doing at that exact moment.....I guess what I am trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done, and looking back I know that I should have told you how much you've always meant to me.

  I'm sorry for that, just as I'm sorry for all the ways I've let you down.  I wish I could undo the past, but we both know that's impossible.  Yet I've come to believe that while the past is unchangeable, our perceptions of it are malleable....

  ....I once made a vow to you....and as your husband of thirty years, it's time I finally made another.  From this point on, I will become the man I always should have been.  I'll become a more romantic husband, and make the most of the years we have left together.  And in each precious moment, my hope is that I'll do or say something that lets you know that I could never have cherished another as much as I've always cherished you."

I was so moved by this, as with many other things throughout the book.  The way he expresses his love and admiration for his wife is absolutely beautiful.  I feel like in life so many times we as people get so busy and so caught up with the hustle and bustle that we forget to stop, see the beauty in the small things, and acknowledge those things.  This book was a great read and I can't wait to start my next Nicholas Sparks book!  I would love if this one gets made into a movie as well!