Christmas 2011

Oh Christmas time.  Well I can say this was not what I had thought my Christmas would be like this year.  I thought my life would be in a completely different place.  And the weeks leading up to Christmas proved to be very difficult for me.  Much harder then I would have anticipated.  While everyone else was decorating, shopping, preparing I felt the loneliness start to close in on me.  I felt bitter going out and seeing everyone buying things for their special someone.  I cried a lot more, felt pity for myself a lot more.  The only time I seem to feel ok is at work, distracted by my kids.  Then I would go home at night, alone. It has definitely been the most trying time in the events of the last few months of my life.

And though I am still struck with these feelings of sadness, loneliness, hurt.  I also feel blessed. I know that  am loved, I am appreciated.  I may not be feeling loved and appreciated by the person I thought I would be, but none the less it's there.  Starting with my loevly families I work with.  I am so truly blessed to be apart of them, and their children's lives.  I know that my work as a teacher does not go unnoticed.  Aside from the gifts, the kind words my families wrote to me on cards meant the world to me.  It gave me a feeling of purpose at this time in my life.  I know that I am an important asset in their children's lives right now, and likewise their children mean so so much to me.  They bring light and laughter and so much love to my life every single day. 

And then there are the amazing ladies I am so lucky to call my friends.  These girls stick by me through so much.  They offer advice, support, comfort, or simply an ear when I feel like nothing else helps but rambling on seemingly endless vents.  They bring me up when I am down.  They are there to make me laugh, and remind me to smile.  They remind me of my worth, that I am a good person and desrve the best.  The reassure me I was a darn good wife, I am a strong person, and I will find hapiness through all of this.  And I look at these women and admire them as well, for they truly are strong and beautiful women all their own!  Many of them have been, or currently are in the place I am in.  They know the hurt, they know the struggles, all the ups and downs that come with this territory.  I feel so alone, afraid, unsure of my future at times but then they are there and I see examples of amazing women who came out of it and are OK!  It gives me courage and strength when I feel like everything around me is crumbling.  It helps me to realize that yes, there are days that are going to plain out suck.  Days that feel unbearable, and days I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "WHY ME!"  or "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!"  These days are normal, it's ok, but they remind me those days also pass.  A dear friend said to me "Think of all the hard times in the last year that you thought you wouldn't get through it, and you did.  This too you will get through."  I try to remind myself of that everyday.  And that is just one example of the amazing words I receive from my friends that help lift me up when I am down.  And I am just so greatful I have people willing to be there for me through this, and I love these girls and would do anything for them!

Last but not least, my family.  Where I come from,  the people who keep me grounded.  The ones who have been there since day one, 22 years of loving me and supporting me unconditionally.  I many times don't open up to them the way I do to my closest friends about the things I am going through.  Maybe because it's an uncomfortable subject, maybe because I don't want them to worry, or I want to spare them from knowing my pain.  I look at them (whether it be parents or aunts/uncles), and I see the love and the utter concern.  It's a silent look that shows me how much they care, and comforts me without a word.  I know they all would do anything for me, and that I have to do is ask.  It is so reassuring.  I can say I am blessed once again with such a great family.  Such great role models and people to look up to, and to learn from.  To receive advice from.  Tonight at dinner I was talking to an uncle of mine and he said to me "I know that what you are going through isn't easy.  But you will come out of this on top.  And you will learn to walk in faith and your spirit will guide you, you have it in you."  Another uncle simply gave me a deep sincere hug and told me it's going to be ok, and it meant so much.  Because really most days all I need is a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok.  That I am ok.  That I am special.  Going through this, you often find yourself quiestion yourself and who you are when in fact that is the last thing you need to do.  And of cource my parents are always there offering support in so many ways, and though it may not always seem like it I appreciate it always.

So it was a good Christmas.  It was hard, but I also was reminded of those around me who truly care and who make my life so special in so many ways.  And as always, I feel it is so important to recognize our military who are unable to spend this holiday and so many others with their loved ones because they are fighting to protect our freedoms and our way of life.  I have been so lucky to personally know so many of this nation's amazing soldiers who selflessly fight.  Who give up time at home, sacrifice limbs, and some who never made it home for another holiday.  Not a single day goes by I don't think of them, the ones I know and the ones I don't.  And on this day and all others I pray for them.

Love those who love you, hold them close, and cherish them.  I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and I wish for nothing but great things for myself and for everyone else in the New Year!

♥ Christmas gift suggestions: to your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. ♥

The Hangover

So I assume most people have seen the movie The Hangover.  Well I have a real life version of this movie that happened this weekend.  My best friend lives about two hours away from me.  We talk every day and try to see each other as often as our hectic lives allow us.  This weekend we discussed getting together but with Christmas shopping and a few other things, it wasn't looking very likely.  Anyways, yesterday morning I woke up around 8.  I was in my bathroom washing my face when I heard a bang on my bedroom door and in walks my best friend to my complete surprise!  She sits down on my bed and just starts shaking her head.  I am super confused and keep saying "what in the world is going on?  What are you doing here?"  Then she says "Hey M, she's dressed you can come in."  I'm like wait, what?  In walks her friend M and just flops on my bed and says "It's sooo bad!"  After both of them spewing out random moments from the night, and me still completely confused I told them to slow down and tell me what happened from the start.  After hearing the story I couldn't help but laugh hysterically, because it is totally a real life version of the movie!  Like, how in the world do these things happen.  It was so ridiculous I couldn't help but share this with you all (I will do my best to retell the story, apologies of some details are a bit off).

So it all began the night before when my friend, her boyfriend, her friend M and his wife went out.  Before going out they had some drinks at their hotel.  However, the drinks were made extremely strong and they were already drunk by the time they got to the club.  While at the club, my friend and her boyfriend got into an arguement and ultimately they all ended up taking separate cabs back to the hotel.  In my friend's process of getting to a cab, three men approached her tring to be inappropriate.  She somehow managed to get away and get a cab back to the hotel.  Once she got back, a few arguements ensued and the bathroom ended up being a bit destroyed in the process.

Prior to the bathroom destruction (I think) M and his wife had gotten in an arguement in the parking lot of the hotel.  The cops came, and decided to handcuff M.  In the process, M's head somehow was thrown/fell through a glass window at the main office of the hotel.  He was then taken to the hospital by the cops.  Apparently, at the hospital they had him talking to a therapist.  He had shown them his military ID, so they made an assumption that he had PTSD and was suicidal (not the case at all!)  At one point he called himself a cab and attempted to leave the hospital.  He was dragged out the cab and back into the hospital.  At this point he called his wife and my friend to tell them where he was and to come get him.  So my friend, her boyfriend, and M's wife headed to the hospital.  During the car ride, my friend and her boyfriend began to argue again.  The boyfriend ended up opening the door and getting out the car, my friend said to leave him.  So boyfriend is now MIA, my friend and M's wife go to the hospital to get M.  At this point they had not released him andwere still trying to keep him.  At one point the therapist walked away and they made a run for it.  Literally all three of them ran out of the hospital, security guard in tow. 

They made it away, and now were trying to head back to the hotel.  While driving on the highway in M's rental car (he had a rental because they had gotten in a car accident a few days prior), suddenly the front left tire popped and pulled the car into the wall on the highway!!!  So there they were on the highway with two firetrucks, two cop cars, and a civilian while M changed the tire and put the spare on.  Once he finished and set the car back down, the back left tire popped!  At this point the cop said they might as well tow the car.  Rental car gets towed, my friend, M and his wife get a ride back to the hotel in the back of a cop car.  The boyfriend is still MIA at this point, and everyone is now missing their cell phones.  They leave M's wife at hotel to sleep, my friend and M get into my friend's car (they drove there separate) and begin driving around to try and find the boyfriend.  No such luck.  So they return to the hotel (it's around 5:30am now) and go to sleep for a little bit.  My friend wakes up in the morning, still no cell phones, and says "Angela will know what to do.  Lets go to her house!"  This leads us to my 8am surprise visit!

So just like in the movie, they emptied their pockets and the only thing they have is this...

Card to the towing company.  So we look online and it says they are closed on the weekends! Uhmmm BIG problem, but we decide to head over there anyways just in case!  Good thing cause they were open.  So we ask to look in the car for the three missing cell phones.  They take us back to the car and I just had to laugh.  I mean who has such luck that the tire pops and slams drags them along a cement wall while driving on the highway!  You can't really see it well in the photos but the entire side of the car is scraped and the donut is on the front left tire.

Showing off the damage...

And the back tire that popped after being dragged against the wall...

So we searched the car, found M and his wife's cell phones.  We didn't see my friend's.  So she asked me to call her phone to see if we could hear it ring.  As we are standing there hearing nothing, suddenly a man answers!  I'm like "Who is this!?!"  He says "The man with the phone."  Annoyed I reply "No crap!  Who are you and where are you?!"  His response "I'm Jason at the Penthouse."  My thought...ohhh god.  I inform him we will be there to get the phone and hang up.  My friend is just staring at me and asks where her phone is.  after just staring at her for a minute I inform her it somehow ended up at a strip club!  She of course is furious, as I wpould be too. 

So we head back to the hotel to get M's wife, whom they had left there sleeping.  We get there and she is talking to the hotel manager about the damage to the room.  And I got to see it for myself.

Exhibit A, the broken toilet...

Exhibit B, the door...

I literally feel like I am in the middle of the movie right now!  So after checking out and that whole ordeal (which by the way I was laughing at the site of the window the M's head went through boarded up as well, didn't get a photo of that though), we headed to get my friend's phone.  We pull up and are completely grossed out.  I personally have never been to one pof these places, and never thought I would be going to one at 11am to retrieve my friend's cell phone.  Luckily though, since they had just opened we did not have to see "anything" and simply stood at the front counter while they got the phone.  At this point the boyfriend is still MIA (he was ok, and found a way back to the Springs by that afternoon), but at least all phones had been found and we decided a late breakfast/early lunch was much needed.  It definitely made for an interesting Saturday morning, and goes to show that The Hangover can happen in real life.  And luckily I was only apart of the morning after mystery solving, not the actual night lol :)



The Things Kids Say #2

Here are some of this weeks funny quotes from my kids at work.  Enjoy :)

While pretending to cook in the house area:
Child 1- "I want mac n cheese."
Child 2- "We have mac, but no cheese!"

During snack time, when cheese was part of snack:
Child 1- "I love cheese!"
Child 2- "I love cheese too!"
Child 3- "I love cheese three, too!"

Me- "How did your feet get so big?"
Child- "My mommy growed them real big!  When I grow up I'm gonna put them on the roof!"

After turning on music in our dance room, one child ran into the room and exclaimed:
" I'm gonna dance! Watch my hips!"

While playing with a toy horse, and making it walk on my shoulder the child got close, looked me in my eye, with a very serious face and a very deep voice said:
"I'm a pony!"

After serving oranges for dessert at lunch, a child who has family in Sacramento, CA and has gone to visit them before said:
"It smells like Sacramento!"

The Things Kids Say #1

So over the last few weeks I am always saying I could write a book of all the funny things my kids at work say.  So I decided I am going to have a weekly post of the funny quotes from my week at work.  I am so lucky to have a job where a majority of my day I spend smiling and laughing.  Most people aren't able to say that.  There are definitely the rough parts of my job, but these moments make it all worth it!  Since this is my first week doing this, these are just some of the funny things I can recall from the last few weeks.  Enjoy and I hope it brings a smile to your face as it does mine :)


- "Ms. Angela!  Do you like my 'Na na na na BATMAN' shirt?"

- "My mom tells me to put a leg up and spin!" (then proceeds to demonstrate)

- Child: "What cha eatin?"
  Me: "A muffin, it's my breakfast."
  Child: "Can I have some?  Nobody has to know." (said as he smiles big and flutters his eyes at me)

- "My mommy is a power monkey!"

-  A child who's mother is currently pregnant witnessed the baby kicking.  She was describing it to us and with much concern said, "The baby's trying to kick out my moms tummy!"

- Child: "What are these?"
  Me: "Feather earrings."
  Child: "Mmmmm....I like em!!!"

Body Knows Best

So finally after a few hectic weeks I made it to the chiropractor.  I always intend to make sure I don't go longer then two weeks without going, but November turned out to be quite busy and before I knew it weeks had gone by since I last went!  Needless to say I was thrilled to go today.  It is amazing how much better I feel after leaving there, how I sleep better, wake up feeling better!  Not to mention, my poor body needs it.  Today my chiropractor said to me "It's crazy how much your body is a mirror image of your life."  The right side of your body is the masculine side, and the left side of your body is the feminine side.  She informed me that my right side is filled with energy, pulsating, and knots.  And my left side is more mellow, less going on, but that side has a lot more pain.  Which is so interesting to me, cause it definitely is a representation of my life.  The craziness going on explains the right side.  My left side is a reflection of me, trying to be strong and maintain calm throughout this time in my life.  But through me maintaining strength and calmness, there is a lot of hurt and pain inside.  And apparently that emotional pain transpires into physical pain, because every now and again I feel a sharp pain in the left side of my neck that radiates into a throbbing headache on the left side of my temple.  I found all of this so fascinating, and it just reitterates the fact that everything about us is connected from our body to our feelings.  I absolutely love my chiropractor for this.  She takes the time to really read me, take note of what my body is telling her, which in turn makes her very good at what she does!  So if you're in the Denver area I definitely recommend seeing Dr. Allie at The Cafe of Life Chiropractic .  Now just to use my gift certificate for a massage a friend gave me for my birthday (which I also finally scheduled!), and if I could find time to add in a long hot bubble bath, I will be feeling great!  So just a friendly reminder, no matter how busy, chaotic, unpredictable life may get always make the time to care of YOU*

♥ Mindfulness helps you to touch the wonders of life for self-nourishment and healing. ♥

ABCs of Me

I was getting caught up on reading all the blogs I follow (boy I have been slacking!)  I came acroosed this on Moore to Love's blog and decided to do it too!

A. Age: 22 but feeling much older!

B. Bed size: I must say I LOVE MY BED! It's a queen size, and the most comfortable thing ever!

C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning the shower.  Least favorite task ever.

D. Dogs: No but I have had puppy fever for awhile!  I am especially in love with blue heelers

E. Essential start to your day: Nothing like a hot shower to wake you up!

F. Favorite color: I love green and purple.

G. Gold or Silver: Silver all the way.

H. Height: 5'3 and love it

I. Instruments you play: Does a mean air guitar count?  Cause I am pretty good at that!

J. Job title: Preschool Teacher

K. Kids: No :/  I want kids but other things must fall into place first.

L. Live: Beautiful Colorado!

M. Movie: The Notebook (gets me everytime) and I could watch The Hangover again and again

N. Nicknames: I don't really have any.  My mom calls me Anna Bana or Peanut though.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Never

P. Pet peeves: Dishonesty. Messes/clutter.

Q. Quote from a movie: "haha Classic!" from the Hangover

R. Right or left handed: Lefty when it comes to writing or eating, right for anything else!

S. Siblings: A big brother!

T. Time it takes you to get ready: Right around an hour or so

U. Underwear: Is pretty important in the whole getting dressed process I would say!  And it must always match my outfit haha!

V. Vegetable you hate: Hmmmm, I can't really think of one that I "hate"

W. What makes you run late: Indesiciveness when picking out an outfit :)

X. X-Rays you’ve had: My teeth, my neck/spine, my hip.

Y. Yummy food that you make: I have some famous beef tacos, good chicken enchilada casserole, several pasta dishes. Yeah I am a decent cook, or so I have been told :)

Z. Zoo animal: Monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decorating Bug

This is really nothing new per say, but recently I have really enjoyed filling my time with Etsy excursions and finding new and pretty things to fill my surroundings with.  Since I am kind of in limbo right now, I am trying my hardest not to buy too many things.  But I did feel the need to place some new "pretties" in my bathroom and bedroom.

Above the toilet in the bathroom

The bed

The dresser wall

And here is the jewlery box up close...

Another huge project I did was helping my mom to completely redecorate the main level of the house (front room, kitchen, kitchen nook, and family room).  It was quite the project.  I simply made a suggestion to update the place a bit and before I knew it we were at Lowe's and I was painting away!  Everyone is very happy with how it turned out, I can say however I have no plans of painting a single fireplace brick again in my life :)

Before:

After:

♥ I deeply believe that a beautiful decor can have a beneficial influence on our lives. ♥

Words to Live By

So the new title of my blog "Learn. Live. Hope" is derived from "Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow"  I find this quote to be beyond true and I will always try to live by this.  Anyways, I have been wanting to "complete" my tatoo for awhile, and finally last weekend I did.  I love it ♥

Halloween Fun

Wow!  I have not been good at blogging lately at all!  Goal of the day...to get back on track :)  I have been keeping myself busy with work. I was planning a field trip to a farm with a pumpkin patch and such for the kiddos, but due to a snow storm it got cancelled.  We did however have a very good halloween party yesterday for the kids and the families.  It turned out great and they all looked so cute in their costumes!  We danced, we had yummy snacks, and even managed to get them to do a mini cotume parade for the parents :)  I must say that through these last few weeks those kids have been my saving grace.  Some days can be hectic and stressful, but those sweet kids keep me going.  They give me a purpose in my life right now.  And can brighten my day with a simple comment or look.  I love them to pieces and wouldn't choose any other job in thw world right now!  And as for Halloween, even us teachers got dressed up for the occasion...

I was a ballerina, then Ms. Cassie was a princess, and Ms. Audrey was Ms. Spider from James & the Giant Peach!

Birthday Week

I have had a busy busy week.  My birthday was yesterday (Oct 20th).  After finding out some of my friends were going to be busy this weekend, I decided to go have some drinks with some friends last Saturday.  Little did I know that my dear mom was secretly planning a happy hour on my behalf.  I showed up thinking I was going for another friend's birthday and to my surprise had ballons, flowers, a cake, and confetti in my name!  It was very nice.  I had a great night with some good friends. 

Then began a busy work week.  I had one co-worker out of town and my boss was getting ready to have a baby (which as I side note, her baby was born on my birthday!)  I was working long days doing opening to closing to help out.  The kids fed off our energy and so we were all a bit restless.  So needless to say by this afternoon I was more then ready for the weekend and picked up some wine on my way home from work!

The night before my birthday I went to diiner with some old family friends, and then yesterday (my birthday) my friend Megan and her boyfriend came and took me to dinner downtown at The Keg Steakhouse, if you have never been there well it is very good!  And their creme brulee is to die for!  She showed up and had bought me flowers....my favorite flower!  It was very sweet and a simple gesture that meant the world to me.  I have some great friends in my life and those ladies mean the world to me!

I am glad the week is done though and am ready to try to unwind from the hecticness that has been my life lately.  I am ready to feel calm, to feel relaxed, and at ease.  I am hopeful for my tomorrows, and as for today I will enjoy my glass of wine and call it a night!

Changes

As many of you may notice my blog (along with my life) is going to be going through some changes.  My former blog name "Oh the Life, Of an Army Wife" has been replaced with "Learn. Live. Hope".  My blog url is now www.ohthelifeofangela.blogspot.com I am the same girl, same blogger, just a new name.  My life and marriage has faced many struggles, I have forgiven for many things, and have reached a point where changes must be made.  I have been on a roller coaster ride the last 3 years (faced 2 deployments and a very serious injury sustained by my husband on the second deployment).  I stood by through it all and tried to always be the best wife I could be.  I however did not receive the love and loyalty I wanted, and so now I am going to endeavour on a whole new roller coaster in my life.  So I invite all my readers to share with me in this new chapter and hope that you all can offer me support in this time of change.

Betrayal

One word, cuts very deep.  Cuts to the core of a person and cuts them down, eats away at them.  You know when you dedicate your life and every piece of yourself to someone and they betray you, it is not easily forgotten.  But you try for the might of you, because you love and are a good person.  But they keep doing it.  you keep forgiving and trying to move on thinking it won't happen again.  Then a tragedy strikes, and you drop your world to be the rock for someone else.  Every day of your life you spend being that rock and support system, even though you are slowly breaking down from the weight on your shoulders.  But you push through and try harder, and have hopes tomorrow couldn't possibly be any worse.  And then one day you are ok, and think you finally made it and things will be great.  Then slam you are once again reminded how worthless you are to that person, how easily they betray you and not think twice about it.  the extent of that betrayal.  And then you are forced to look yourself in the mirror, through the hurt and the disgust and try to find strength to make your next step.  Where does one go from here, how to put all the tiny shattered pieces back together.  You gave your all to someone, and they gladly took it all.  I am broken...broken from betrayal.

Alive Day

So today, Sept 26th is the 1 year Alive Day for my husband.  But before I get to that let me back up a bit, since I have meaning to blog and havent.  Last week was bit of a long week for me.  I am not exactly sure why, but each day went slow.  By Friday I was at my witt's end.  We were outside playing before lunch, and out of nowhere I began to cry.  By the time lunch had passed and it was time to do diapers before nap time, I was a blubbering mess.  As I am changing diapers my poor kids would just stare up at me crying while trying to carry on a conversation with them as if nothing is happening.  And at the end of each diaper change I would say "Can Ms.Angela please have a hug, I am just having a rough day"  Thank goodness I have awesome kids at work who give awesome hugs!  The remainder of my day was me border line crying with tears permanently pudding in my eyes.  The second I got home it happened.  The inevitably breakdown.  The one I have been putting off.  All my months, and heck even years of hiding my emotions about different things and shoving them into some deep dark corner of my mind came flooding out, suffocating me.  I got home and literally collapsed on to the floor sobbing.  It was like the force of everything in this world that I have let build and weigh on shoulders was holding me down onto the ground.  I couldn't pull myself out of it for the life of me!  So there I was, on my knees on the floor, head down crying uncontrollably.  The most hidious sob I have ever had, tears, slobber, snot and all (Gross I know!)  And as much as I sat there telling myself to "stop" and "get ahold of yourself" I absolutely couldn't.  then I began tossing random things about (a blanket, a clothes hamper) and shouting ( to no one but myself) about all these random things that have been bothering me, or hurt me, or stressed me out.  This episode lasted near an hour.  After it passed I had a few more tears  and it was done.  As horrific as this all sounds, I think it may have been the best thing for me.  It was such a relief.  I could feel all the anxiety, the hurt, the pain, the anger that I have bottled up pour out.  I could feel it lift off of me.  Today as I drove to work, I was ok.  My life is no different then it was on Friday, but it feels so much more manageable.  I am ok.  I don't feel myself constantly trying to hold back tears.  So I recommend a good solid breakdown for everyone every now and again.  To just release it all.

Anyways, today is my husband's Alive Day.  It is so weird to think that a year ago today, it happened.  A year ago today I got that call.  A year ago today my world would change.  I would be introduced to a whole nother world of the military, and the sacrifice that comes along with it.  My eyes have seen so much...things most people will never see in their life.  Through it all I can say one thing, I am a stronger person from it. In every aspect.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but at the same time in ways I am lucky.  So I just want to remind people to count their blessings, live without regrets, and thank those who sacrifice for you ♥

What an Awesome Dog!

So yesterday as I was walking to my car in a parking lot, I look over at a parked car to see this dog in the window.  I about died laughing, it was one of the most awesome things I have seen on a dog!

Since it is the time of year where all the roads are being re-paved, the owner didn't want a bunch a debri flying up in her eyes while going for a car ride.  He said he just slipped them on and she was good to go!  I absolutely loved it.  And turns out she was a Pedigree dog of the month, what a rock star!  Hope this made your day like it made mine :)

♥ Dog is a man's best friend. ♥

Sunday Thought

I had a rather uneventful weekend (aside from having lunch with my amazing friend Megan and watching my Broncos win today!)  So I did a whole lot of browsing on Etsy and playing around on my computer.  I decided I wanted to make a new background for my laptop.  I added my favorite quote to it, so i just wanted to share it you all.  I think it's a great quote and it is something I always try to live my life by.  ♥

Rascal Flatts Concert

This past Saturday I went to the Rascal Flatts concert here in Denver. I have been wanting to go to see them in concert for probably 6 years or so. So when we bought tickets I was absolutely ecstatic! I went with my mom, my friend, and a friend of my mom's. Justin Moore and Sara Evans were the opening acts. It was an amazing concert. And Rascal Flatts music is even better in person! They are so talented and I adore pretty much every single one of their songs. they have so much heart and meaning, and now I just can't stop listening to all my Rascal Flatts music! I am so glad I went and definitely plan to catch them in concert again!

♥ Deep songs don't come from the surface; they come from the deep down. The poetry and the songs that you are suppose to write, I believe are in your heart. ♥

Wake Me Up When September Ends

These words are so true for me.  Today markes the ten year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.  On this day I hope everyone takes a moment to stop.  To stop and remember those whose lives were taken on this day ten years ago.  Stop to acknowledge and thank those who have risked their lives in the two wars since those attacks.  Stop and remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice and never came home from those wars.  Through all this countries differences in points of views, I hope that is one thing we can all never forget to do.

Sepetember also is the month in which our lives changed, when my husband was injured.  We are quickly coming up on the one year mark of his "Alive Day".  It seems as if the second September came around my emtions once again began to rage.  I feel myself becoming emotional and crying very easily.  A few weeks ago someone asked a friend how I was doing.  In their response they said something along the lines of "Well she has been in survival mode for going on a year now, I am sure she is going to have a breakdown soon."  I must say I have to agree with this.  I have battled having a breakdown for so long now, every time I feel like I am on the verge of one I push it away with all my might.  But I think that can only last so long.  And a friend of mine said to me the other day "You know what, just let it happen.  Breakdown.  Don't fight it."  I am growing more weary of fighting it and I have a feeling that it just may happen right around Sept 26th.  I however am no longer afraid of it.  I think I may embrace it in a way, because it will be a huge release of everything I have felt in the last year.  And I know it has to be close based on how "Sappy of a September" I have been having already.  Here are a few examples...

The other day my husband asked me to mail him his Tanker Boots, since he has to wear ACUs again now that the ex fix is off the right leg.  They had been packed away in a box since last August when I packed up our apartment the day after he deployed.  So I pulled them out of the box and set them on the ground.  Then I just sat there and stared at them.  No particular thought went through my head, just a blank stare.  I then began to cry uncontrollably.  I couldn't stop, and that night I cried myself to sleep.  The following morning I woke up, still sad.  As I was driving to work, the song "If I Die Young" came on the radio, and it made me think about someone we knew who was KIA last August at the age of 20.  I then began crying once again and showed up at work with red puffy eyes.  I am sure it being a cloudy and rainy day made it only worse.

Then on Friday morning I woke up with raging migraine.  So I hopped in the shower, and was about to shave my legs.  Well I had a brand new bottle of shaving cream and when I went to push the button down, it shot straight up into my eye!  So there I was soaking wet, jumping out the shower, eye burning and blinded with shaving cream, and a my head pounding!  I finally made it through the shower and was listening to Pandora on my phone as I was getting ready.  Well then "Bless the Broken Road" came on.  This was the last dance at our wedding.  It was the last song I danced with my husband to before he was deployed and injured.  Yes, it made me cry.

So needless to say, I am ready for this month to be over.  It is such an emotional month for me, and I am tired of being the over emotional sap who cries at EVERYTHING!  But perhaps this is what I need, to just let it all out this month.  To face my feelings and all the ups and downs this past year has dealt me.  But until then, this song will be my theme song for the month!




♥  This is the land of the free, only so long as it is the home of the brave ♥

Post 9/11 Military

This morning I stumbled upon this article, and found it rather interesting.  I enjoyed reading it and wanted to share it with my readers.  It is interesting how combat has been changing over the years, and we personally know how the change can affect certain MOS's.  My husband for instance is a 19k (tanker).  He used his tank during the first half of his OIF 08-09 campaign.  But then once they got orders to deploy to Afghanistan the tanks went away and they began combat training without them (thus becoming more of an 11b).  Anyways, here is the link....

"The Post-9/11 Military"

A Care Package For Me!

So by now I am more then used to care packages, and I think I am a pretty darn good care package sender.  However, I am usually not the one on the receiving end.  So on Thursday when a box showed up in the mail for me, and I opened it to find a pretty little care package I was super excited!  About a month or so ago I joined a group on Facebook called Operation Homefront's Wounded Warrior Wives , and then went to their website and signed up as well.  They send out care packages to all their new members in order to show some appreciation to the women who stand behind our nation's wounded.  It is so nice to find an organization that supports and represents us, cause I feel like to many times the caregivers and supporters can be pushed to the way side.  Anyways, the package came at such a good time.  I didn't necessarily have a bad week, but it was a long week.  For the first time since my husband was injured, I went back to work full-time (I was unemployed from Sept.26, 2010-Aug.22, 2011).  It is an adjustment trying to get back into the swing of things, especially when you're a preschool teacher.  It is very rewarding but definitely a demanding job.  So by Thursday night all I wanted to do was put on my PJs and mope around, so this little surprise perked me up and gave me the oomph I needed to get through Friday :)



This quote was inside the card, I absolutely love it and it totally made me tear up.  I hope this quote can sum up how my wounded warrior feels about my support of him!

♥ Because you love me I have much acheived, Had you despised me then I must have failed, But since I knew you trusted and believed, I could not disappoint you and so prevailed. - Paul Laurence Dunbar ♥

Military Ball

Last week the hubby came in town for our unit's welcome home ball.  It was so nice to get to go and see everyone.  especially since many it was the first time he had seen since being injured, and many others who will be PCSing soon and going separate ways.  It was a nice ball, we had over 900 people there!  It was packed.  One of the best parts of the evening was my husband being presented his Bronze Star in front of me and all his men.  Right before they presented the wounded warriors their awards, two of our Gold Star family members were there and were recognized.  It was so emotional and the entire time I tried looking up at the ceiling so tears would not come out.  So by the time they got to calling my husband up for his award I couldn't help but break into tears.  Just so many emotions filled me at that moment.  I even made one of the guys at our table cry! He looked at me and said "Thanks Angela, you made me shed one tear".  I can say, I am so thankful to have him there being awarded rather then being one of the Gold Star families.  My heart goes out to them always!  Overall, it was a great night and I will always remember it.  no matter where we all end up, this is the unit my husband was with for his first 4 years of service, and the friendships we have made with some of these people will last forever.  I am proud to have been a part of this unit!

The Bronze Star is awarded for bravery, acts if merit, or meritorious service.  It is the 4th highest combat award, and the 9th highest overall military award.  He was noted for the demeanor he maintained after being injured, which helped maintain his soldiers and allow first responders to act efficiently.  Also noted were his tactical competency, courage, both physical and mental toughness, and his dedication to duty (among other things)  I AM VERY PROUD OF HIM and believe that this award was much deserved:

A few pics from the ball:

On a side note, yesterday marked the one year anniversary that we lost a friend.  He gave the ultimate sacrifice and was gone at an age far too young.  Millet, I just want you to know that you meant a lot to the guys you served with.  I know the love they feel for you and how much you are missed.  I know you continue to shine down and watch over everyone, and I just want to thank you again for answering the call and laying your life on the line.  You are appreciated and will never be forgotten.

♥ It is the soldier, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the organizer, Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protestor to burn the flag. ♥

The Halo Is Off!

So it's official, the halo ex fix is off my husband's right leg.  It was put on in November, and yesterday he got it removed.  They projected it would be on for 14 months, and it came off in 9 months.  He did such a good job making sure he ate his eggs, drank his milk, watched the number of sodas he drank (with the help of the "over bearing wife", but always in his best interest!) and the fact he isn't a smoker or much of a drinker helped too.  I am happy because that marked the last surgery he would have to have (I lost count long ago of how many surgeries he's had).  Plus it's a big step in recovery and being a step closer to getting the heck out of BAMC!  Not to mention it will make snuggling much easier, and I no longer will wake up with a big metal object crushing my leg!  Now if only they could get on top of making his other prosthetic legs (which is taking much longer then it should!).

I am so thankful to have this good news, because it was a saving grace for me.  I had a really rough week (partly due to some issues the WTB at BAMC has created, sorry for being vague but I don't want to go into deatils).  Plus the events of this past year are finally really catching up to me I think.  I have been at my stress thresh hold for almost a year now, and have just been trucking along.  However, I think operating under so much stress can only last so long before it all finally begins to spill over.  Apparently I am at that point.  The simplest things send me over that "thresh hold" and overwhelm me, making my emotions burst out uncontrollably.  I have cried almost every day, and one day I made a record of crying about 5 separate times!  I feel like I am some emotional basket case somedays.  Simple things (a song, a place, a random thought) can spark a 15 minute blubber fest of sobbing.  Undereye de-puffing creme has become my best friend in the mornings.  Then there is the fact that I can not even remember the last time I actual slept through an entire night.  Weeks or months, who knows.  At my doctor's appointment I was asked how long my sleep has been irregular, hmmm since last August when my husband deployed.  Wow, a year of poor sleep.  No wonder I have a coffee addiction!  My goal this weekend is to go buy brand new fluffy pillows and some melatonin, time to conquer this sleeping thing!

I need as much positive thoughts/energy sent my way.  A hope for nothing but good news from now on, for nothing but steps in the right direction for us.  Better sleeping, less stress, more laughing, less crying.  Because I am not sure this gal can operate in emotional overdrive much longer!  Which is why I am also glad football preseason has begun.  And since my Broncos are playing, I think it is time to wrap up this blog to focus on the game :)

♥ If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. ♥

Hectic Week Ahead

So it has been 10 months since my husband was injured, I quit work, and left for TX.  I am finally going to be getting back to work full time in a few weeks, however my boss has asked me to do a few days here and there until then.  Then, I have been trying to get into the doctor for my yearly for a few weeks.  I had to reschedule due to the monthly visitor, and then I spent all morning trying to reschedule again to work around my work schedule.  Between two doctor's offices (my PCM and the OB office) it was nearly impossible.  Apparently doctor's offices are extremely busy this time of year!  Then, the fact my doctor's office and where I work are an hour-hour in a half away from each other, you can imagine how complicated making an appointment became.  So I am working Tursday-Thursday this week.  On Wednesday I have a doctor appointment in CO Springs in the morning then head to work in Denver right after. 

The hubby gets in town next Tuesday (YAY!) for a few days for our Military Ball.  So I also need to pick up his Class A top from alterations, make myself a hair appointment, and grab a few other things.  This ball has crept up on me, I keep thinking it's a few weeks away and it's next week! I am going to be busy all week, but I am happy.  This crazy, always on the go schedule is what I am used to.  So as long as I get my morning coffee every day, I should be good to go!  And hopefully my sleep is better this week, because this constant waking up and tossing and turning all night is getting old!

On a side note, I am highly annoyed with BAMC.  My husband got back there a few weeks ago and he has yet to see Ortho or workout at the CFI at all.  His physical therapist had a baby and they failed to assign him to someone else, so he hasn't gotten to do anything or see a prosthesis to get more legs.  Legs he should have already gotten.  His ex-fix is still on the right leg, and it should have came off weeks ago.  I do not understand what they do down there, cause from my point of view it looks a lot like nothing!  I am getting frustrated beyond belief at that place, and most of these issues (if not all) are a direct result of having a crappy case manager.  She is useless and has done nothing to help us.  We have had to find stuff out all on our own, and she tries to give us information we know is not accurate or correct.  I think it is about time they get on top of stuff, take the ex-fox off, get him his other prosthetic legs, and let him leave and do the MEB at Carson.  I am over the games they play there, and my patience is wearing thin.

♥ Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires but according to our powers. ♥

What a View

Last Saturday I went down to Colorado Springs for a friend of mine's birthday get together.  As I was driving I couldn't help but to snap a picture.  Gotta love Colorado :)

Blog Day & First Date Day

So today is the one year mark since I started my blog.  It began as just a simple hobby to help pass the time while my husband was deployed, and turned into so much more. It became a great source to keep family and friends updated about my husband and I, as we began the journey of rehab and recovery.  And most importantly it became an outlet for me.  A way to express my thoughts and my feelings, and very therapeutic in many ways.  I am so happy I started blogging, and I plan to keep it up for a long time to come :)

Another reason today is special is because it is my husband and I's 3 year "first date anniversary".  Three years ago today, I went on a date with him while he was home on R&R from Iraq.  We had dinner at Olive Garden (which is why it is still one of our favorite date night places).  I remember being so nervous the whole time.  I thought he was just so handsome, and I didn't want him to think I was lame ;)  I even scared him with my highway driving.  Really it wasn't me, it was the fact that the only "vehicle" he had really been in the last several months was a tank!  Anyways, if on that date you would have asked me what I thought may come of it, I could have never imagined.  The last three years have been a roller coaster.  We have had plenty of ups and downs.  Moments that were amazing and moments that were very tough.  We have made it through both the obstacles of his injury and one's in our personal relationship.  I am happy we went on that date, and am happy to have him in my life.  So here's to us, and to hoping the next 3 years are even better!

And just because I think it's so sweet, here is my husband's facebook status from today...

"Few years ago i met a girl on mid tour that i dated a few times that was as nice, genuine, gorgeous and loyal as they come... two tours, some serious ups and downs and a leg later she has been my wife just over a year and is still the backbone of my life and support and stuck around through it all. thanks for taking a chance on some random pfc in the army then angela champion. love you"

♥The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others. That action is the testimony of love as the practice of freedom. ♥

Denver Zoo

Yesterday was my husband's last day of Con Leave before he had to head back to BAMC (boooo!).  He had a late flight, so we decided to head to the zoo for the day.  We went to the San Antonio Zoo a few months back (I didn't like it, way too many birds and reptiles and not enough big animals!).  And we of course have gone to Cheyenne Mountain Zoo a few times while we lived in Colorado Springs (which is still one of my faves since you can feed the giraffes!)  I hadn't been to the Denver Zoo in probably about 5 or 6 years, though.  I must say, I think our state definitely has some of the best zoo's.  I forgot how big Denver Zoo is!  And they are currently undergoing a huge expansion, which will be called the "Asian Tropics".  I look forward to it because I am so hoping it will have koala bears!

Anyways, I am so glad we went.  They have such a wide variety of animals, even monkeys in trees without a fence around it!  I was waiting for one to drop down into my purse so I could run away with it (sadly, that did not happen).  My favorite part of the entire day had to be one specific gorilla.  He was sitting in one corner all alone, by the glass.  He was snacking, but in between biites he would stop and stare at me.  Like intently look me in my eyes!  It was awesome and intimidating all at once.  It never fails to amaze me how human-like they really are.  After I took the picture of him, he saw me holding my camera and smiled at me!  Teeth and all!  I wish I had caught it on camera, but I couldn't believe it.  And just the massive amounts of big beautiful trees that sprawl all around the zoo is amazing.  I had fun, and can't wait to go back again.  And one day beable to bring my own kids there, even though I just might be more excited then the children ;)  I managed to snap a few photos, so here is the link to the album.  Enjoy!

Denver Zoo

♥ Animals give me more pleasure through the viewfinder of a camera than they ever did in the crosshairs of a gunsight. And after I've finished "shooting," my unharmed victims are still around for others to enjoy. I have developed a deep respect for animals. I consider them fellow living creatures with certain rights that should not be violated any more than those of humans. ♥

Interesting Statistic

So the other day, I came across a statistic that interested me quite a bit.  I have actually been curious as to what this particular statistic was, so when I just happened to read it I was glad I found it.  The divorce rate for families of wounded warriors is about 80%.  I have always said that marriage in general is hard, then when you throw in the military/deployments/training it adds to the divorce rate.  So before even knowing the stat I knew the divorce rate for those wounded must be higher then that.  Nonetheless, I wasn't really expecting it to be that high (maybe more in the 60-70% range).  So being the wife of someone wounded in combat, I thought I would weigh in my opinion on this matter.

First of all, let me say that I think it would be interesting to further break this category down.  Compare the divorce rates of families whose soldier sustained serious burns or amputations versus other injuries (broken/shattered bones, etc.).  But going solely off the general term of "wounded warrior" I think there are a few contributors to the extremely high divorce rates. 

I do know that there are the spouses who seemingly were shallow, and at the mention of "ampuation" took off and left their husbands.  It is very sad, but it does happen.  However, for the vast majority I do not think this can be noted as the primary reason for the rate.  I have a hard time even referring to those cases as true marriages.  And the reason is, if you are solely with someone for physical reasons, how serious can your love for someone be? So moving on to a few of the big reasons I see causing couples to end in divorce...

The Move:  It's true military families are already used to having to move more.  But when you move due to an injury it is different. You pack up a few suitcases as full as you can, leave home (your job, your family, friends, and all that you know) and venture into the unknown by yourself.  You have no idea what to expect, how long to expect to be there, or anything of that sort.  Let me just say, it's scary!  Plain and simple.  I got a call on Sept. 26th, and I left Oct. 6th with no idea when I would be back.  Then in the time my husband was in the hospital I had to move like 3 times to different rooms (due to hotel maintenance), and again when he was discharged to an ADA room.  Luckily for us, I had moved home for this deployment.  But for many they had to up and leave homes, pets, and bring children along for this huge roller coaster ride.  You are in a new place, about to go through major life changes, and your entire support system is far from you.  And lets be frank, a bunch of strangers amd mere phone calls from home dont really suffice.

The Finances:  Financial issues can be the cause of major issues in any marriage, and we all know that if they are not sorted out it often does lead to divorce. For the wives like myself who worked, when you go from having that second income and then over night it's gone cause you take off to go be by your husband's side, it is a bit of a shock for the bank account.  While in the hospital it may not be a huge concern, but once your soldier is discharged you have to start figuring things out.  While down at BAMC, we knew so many couples who owned homes, and now needed to find housing in San Antonio but could not possibly afford a mortgage and rent.  Then they have to answer the question of do we sell or can we get a renter in?  Or even the heart breaking realization that the place you once called home, can never be home again due to amuptations and new physical limitations.  Then even when you finally get paid the TSGLI (insurance for loss of limbs, burns, etc) you have to decide as a team how to handle that money.  What do you put it towards, how much goes where?  Definitely have to make sure you are on the same page, and have a good plan set in motion for your family.

Reacclimation + Injuries:  On top of the injuries sustained, you have to remember just like any other soldier coming home from war, they have to reacclimate.  But now they have to adapt to a new "normal" at the same time.  Most of them have some form of PTSD and TBI, whether it's minor or severe.  They are trying to deal and cope, just as the spouse/caretaker is.  They can be easily triggered and snap at you.  It is a struggle to learn not to snap back.  You have to constantly tell yourself it's not really them, it's everything else.  But it is hard to think like that, when you are getting yelled at when all you are doing is trying to do is help in any way shape or form.  Battling passed that is tough, and you need to talk about it for sure.  The TBI can have a whole range of affects.  I knew people who had severe TBI, and had behavior similar to that of a child.  The social skills just weren't there any more.  That would be a struggle for any marriage.  To have to take a step back, and work on re training the brain and building it back up while the marriage is sort of put on the back burner in order to do so.  In our case, the mild TBI my husband had made him super forgetful and he would lose his train of thought very easily.  I would say things numerous times a day for him to remember.  Things would happen, and a few seconds later he seriously had no idea.  At first I was just like "really?"  but then as it continued, I would get more aggravated and frustrated that I was constantly repeating myself or that he would argue with me about things I knew I did or said, or he did or said, and he would tell me I was wrong.  Luckily for us, is was very mild and he is a million times better now.  The important thing with PTSD and TBI is to get help for it.  Don't pretend nothing is wrong, go to the little appointments for it, and it will be that mmuch better.

And in general STRESS, STRESS, STRESS: This word defines your life every day from when you first get that phone call, throughout the duration of rehab and recovery.  Being in the hospital is stressful.  Surgery days are stressful.  Not getting straight answers about things is stressful.  Having to re-learn how to walk is stressful.  Going from wife to caretaker is stressful. Living in the Fisher House with a bunch of other families is stressful. Everything is stressful!  The soldier is going through all these emotions trying to overcome and improve everyday.  The caretaker is doing just that, taking care of the soldier.  I will be the first to say it can be easy for resentment to build.  You leave everything behind to be there for that person, which I would do a million times again.  But you put yourself on the back burner.  You eat, sleep, breath for the other person.  Making sure they are ok, getting what they need when they need it, helping bath them, keeping medications straight.  You forget about yourself.  Then everything is geared towards the soldier.  Now don't misunderstand me, they deserve the world.  But I think often the spouses get kinda brushed aside.  But if they are not taken care of, how can they take care of  someone else.  You have got to remember to get away, and do something for you.  And do it without feeling guilty.  For the longest time I couldn't do that.  Heck I would feel guilty even leaving the hospital room when all he was doing was sleeping!  But you have to!  And if you don't learn how to balance, and cope, and cry when you want to cry or scream when you want to scream, you will end up bitter and resentful.

All these things, and of course others I didn't mention (I could blog for days on this topic!) could easily lead to divorce.  I think the key to marriages surviving such tramautic events is communication, understanding, and realization. Communicate with each other about everything.  Talk things out, or talk to therapists and social workers when the line of communication between you two isn't working.  Understand the other person's side of view.  Know what their struggles are, and how they are affected by things. And realize your boundaries.  Don't try to to be Mr. Tough soldier all the time, and don't try to be Superhuman Army wife.  At the end of the day you are human, and you need help sometimes.  It is ok.  Take advantage of EVERYTHING offered to you by every organization and volunteer!

♥ The real act of marriage takes place in the heart. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. ♥

High Five Tour

I stumbled across this event today.  It will hit all 50 states at some point this summer (some have already occured).  By attending an event in your area and making a contribution you can help Wounded Warriors and their families (or you can personally write a check to us. lol. TOTALLY JOKING!)  I think it's pretty cool so I just wanted to share it with you all.  The website has a listing of all the cities and dates they will be there, but I do know they will be here in Denver, CO on July 20th.  Here's the website for mor information if anyone is interested!

High Five Tour 2011

And today I have several quotes I like related to this blog.  And regardless of your political views, I believe we can all agree with these quotes...

♥ The war does not end when you come home. It lives on in memories of your fellow soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines who gave their lives. It endures in the wound that is slow to heal, the disability that isn’t going away, the dream that wakes you at night, or the stiffening in your spine when a car backfires down the street. (Pres. Obama) ♥

♥ Behind every American in uniform stands a wife or husband; a mother, a father; a son or daughter; a sister or brother. These families – these remarkable families – are the force behind the force.(Pres. Obama) ♥

♥ I have always said we have lots of obligations as a nation – but only one truly sacred moral obligation:  to prepare and protect those we send into harm’s way, and to give them every bit of care they, and their families, need when they return. (VP Biden) ♥

Oh The Springs

So today I drove to Colorado Springs to go to a doctor's appointment and a dentist appointment.  Since I am currently staying at my mom's an hour north, and all my med stuff is still set up down there I figure the hour drive on occassion is much less a hassle then changing my PCM, etc.  Not to mention a trip to the Springs is always welcome to me.  It holds a warm & fuzzy place in my heart since it was the first place my husband and I had our own place together.  So as I was driving down there I was all giddy and excited to be going back to the Springs after several months.  I admired the beauty of my state and loved seeing the mountains grow closer as I drove further into town. I saw the clouds start to roll in over the mountains and I knew there would be a short afternoon rain, which is so typical for there this time of year.  The rain is always so peaceful, and looks beautiful with all the green trees and the mountains.  And not mention the smell, ahhh it just smells like home.  But then I felt my self quickly change from happy to sad. I began to cry.  And my first thought was "Really Angela?  When will you beable to drive here and not cry!" (This is my 2nd time coming to the Springs since he was injured, and yup still crying!) The reason I was crying is simple.  This is the last place I lived where my life was "normal", before it got flipped on its head and spun around a few several times.  And because if my husband hadn't been injured this deployment, we would be living there now, and it would be home again already.  I long for it so much.  I long for our lives to be there again.  To be normal and peaceful like the afternoon summer rains I adore so much.  So for now all I have to hold onto is a sweet thought, a heartfelt memory, and to keep that place in my heart open and ready for whenever we do get to call Colorado Springs home again.

Pikes Peak driving into the Springs on I-25....

And Cheyenne Mountain, which we always called "Our Mountain" because it was right there when you walked outside our apartment.

♥ Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest. ♥

Late Night Thoughts

So last night as I was laying in bed, I began thinking about our year in The Springs prior to this last deployment.  One specific memory came to mind for some reason.  One night in December (2009), my husband was on CQ with Ochoa and Millet.  I didn't feel like sitting alone at home all night, so I decided to go see them.  We ordered pizza and watched Hangover (my first time seeing it).  I just remeber laughing so hard, especially the part where the cop says "Not you fat Jesus."  It was my first time meeting Ochoa and Millet.  They were both very polite and Millet had us laughing talking about the "blood brothers" part of the movie and how him and his cousins did that once.  Now if someone would have told me that of those three men sitting in front of me, one would lose a leg, one would lose some fingers, and one would never come home...I would have told you you were crazy.  And knowing what I know now, and looking back it breaks my heart to know that is what happened.  People always say you have to live in the moment, cherish the here and now cause you never know what the future holds.  But few people in this world truly understand just how important that is.  It has been 8 months or so since all of this happened. And every time someone see's me they ask how I am.  I find myself saying the same words "I'm fine."  And yes, for the most part I am.  I have learned to deal with things and accept them as they are.  But my heart is still filled with grief everyday.  I still find myself tearing up over simple things.  I feel hurt and anger in my heart about what happened.  And quite frankly some days I want to run to the top of a mountain, scream at the top of my lungs, and then cry until there are no more tears left.  I like to think I have been a good "strong Army wife" and have handled things best I know how.  But sometimes I think I need to allow myself to cry, to be upset, to tell people no I'm not ok.  I have every right to be upset.  Now please don't think that this means I am not grateful that my husband did come home. I know that we are going to be ok, and that life will go on. But that does not change the fact that what has happened this deployment is horrible, and that no one should have to go through the heart ache of missing limbs or losing loved ones.  It's a hard pill to swallow, and though time may ease the pain I don't think it ever completely goes away. 

So with that said, I want everyone to love and live harder.  To cherish every moment you share with your family and friends, no matter how insignificant that moment may seem now.  Watching a movie and eating pizza with a group of friends, dancing to the Cupid Shuffle at a deployment going away party, watching someone walk away from you and studying every inch of that person's being knowing it may never be the same.  And if your heart hurts...ITS OK!  Don't feel bad for your feelings.  Let them out, cause holding it in will only make it last longer and grow deeper into your soul. I have said it once, and I will say it again.  I am honored to know some of the most amazing men in this country.  I love my husband and our friends to the core.  And I hope for many happy, long years for all of us!

♥ We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us. ♥

News Coverage

Over the last 8 months (since Chris was injured) we have been interviewed numerous times.  I know there were several print articles we were in, that I have heard of but yet to see (of course!)  But here are links to three of them at least for those who are interested.

This is the first article, I have posted it before but here it is again. 
Stars and Stripes Article

This is an interview done with Chris after we met Michelle Obama and Jill Biden.
My SA Blog Article

And here is another article from when the first and second lady visited.
La Prensa Article

And of course our article and news clip from 9News done at Christmas.
Denver 9News Article

I know we have been in the San Antonio Express (their local newspaper) and Chris was recetly in the Fort Sam Paper.  Hopefully I can track these articles down as well.

♥ People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle. ♥

Lake Travis

For our anniversary, we went to Lake Tavis in Austin, TX.  We stayed at a resort right on the Lake called Lakeway Resort and Spa.  We checked in on Friday afternoon.  I booked us a room with a lakeside view of course (there is no way I want to look out onto the parking lot!)  These were the views from our room...

And this is the same view later in the afternoon.  I loved how the sun looked on the water...

The first day we were there, Chris was sitting in the lobby and someone who worked there saw his legs and asked what happened.  After telling him, the man went and got the manager of the resort to come talk to us.  Apparently her husband had just gotten out of the Army.  He was apart of the unit portrayed in the movie Restrepo . After chatting with her, she told us she was going to call and make us reservations at the resort's restaurant and that whatever we ordered was going to be comped for us.  So that night we enjoyed a nice steak dinner (I got filet mignon, Chris got a very large ribeye) overlooking the lake.

On Saturday, we hung out down at the pool for a little bit and then went to lunch.  We ate at a Mexican Restuarant called The Iguana, which was on one of the cliffs overlooking the lake as well.  It was very good food, my burrito was HUGE!  We went down to a little shopping center, then watched the new Xmen movie.  I must say, we both thought it was better then we had anticipated.  It was neat how they tied the story line in with actual historical events.  Following the movie we went into town and had dinner at Buca di Beppo, which is definitely one of our favorite restaurants ever!  And as usual the food was great.

Sunday was our actual anniversary.  Chris booked me a very nice spa day as one of my gifts.  I enjoyed a facial, a mud body wrap, and a hot stone massage.  It was very relaxing, my face and body were super smooth afterwards, and my muscles had no more tension!  After I finished, we went to a small little hot dog restaurant we had driven past the day before, for lunch.  We squeezed in a game of putt putt golf before heading out for my favorite part of the weekend.  We got to go on a private sunset sail around Lake Travis.  I was excited, it was my first time on a sail boat.  It was fun and definitely loved watching the sunset with each other, whole sitting on the front of the boat.

Monday was our last day there.  We went down to the pool one last time, before we had to check out.  I was excited to get a good tan in our short stay :)

The resort had several different pools, including a 3 level infinity pool that had a swim up bar on the top level.

This concluded our little trip.  I had a good time and am glad we got to get away, even if it was just a few days.  On our way back to San Antonio we stopped at a Dairy Queen in a small town called Blanco, TX.  I was very disappointed to find out they did not had the cherry dip that hardens. What kind of DQ are you?  But we did see some very cool matching 1930's fords!

Overall, our first year was hectic to say the least.  We had the wedding, the honeymoon, then he deployed, I moved home, and then he got injured and our world got flipped upside down.  It was been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least.  We have had highs and more then enough lows to last a lifetime.  It hasn't been easy.  Our marriage has faced obstacles most people will never have to know.  There have been many times I felt like I couldn't do it, or that my life was completely out of my control.  Moments I questioned "WHY ME!"  I don't know if those feelings will ever go away, but in the end this has definitely made us stronger as individuals and as a couple. 

From our vows.... " I will always be open, honest, and faithful to you.  To have and to hold, for better, for worse, to love and to cherish for all the days of my life and until my last breath."

I am so thankful that his last breath didn't come on September 26th, because I can honestly say I don't know what I would have done. So I count our blessings and am happy to be by each others side. And I like to think that after this, we can take on anything. I hope we share many more happy years together, and that things only get better from here.


♥ We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness. ♥